American Sexual Paradigm: A Psychological Glance into the Therapeutic and Societal Reformation of Pain and Pleasure
by Chloe Elsass
Final Paper
Presented to the faculty of Senior Seminar II
in the BA Contemplative Psychology Department
of
Naropa University
in partial fulfillment
for the degree of
Bachelor of Arts
Naropa University
April 2021
American Sexual Paradigm: A Psychological Glance into the Therapeutic and Societal Reformation of Pain and Pleasure
by Chloe Elsass
Student: Chloe Elsass Peer Reader: Thomas Quinn Whelehan
Ross Baumann, PhD, LMFT
Adjunct Faculty, Nick MacMurray, MA Professional Assistant
© 2021 Chloe Elsass
All rights reserved
Acknowledgements
I am grateful to my bullies for proving to me that I can continue to be authentically myself under immense pressure and for propelling my journey of self awakening which now leads me to being of service to others healing. I want to acknowledge my friends, family, my cohort, and professors for loving me, supporting me, and challenging me to continue to rise into my power and potential.
Dedication
I dedicate this paper to all of the people who have ever seen, heard, and loved me. Thank you for your kind understanding of my uniqueness and for believing in my greatness even when I did not believe myself. And to Carole Clements, for opening my eyes to aspects of human experiencing in sexuality, that have revolutionized my life.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements 4
Dedication 5
Abstract 7
Introduction 8
Western Psychological History 10
Sexuality in the United States 12
Sexual History 15
Scientific and Educational Implications 18
Therapeutic Inquiry 20
Alternative Sexuality 23
BIPOC Communities 24
LGBTQA+ 25
Female Identifying 26
Male Identifying 28
Sexual and Psychological Reformation 29
A New Paradigm 32
Conclusion 34
References 36
Abstract
Little has shifted since the inception of the United States in regards to sexual norms, legislation, research, and education. While other developed countries have surpassed a more Christian colonialist perspective, America has retained its grip on old sexual paradigms, which have proven dangerous for its citizens. Endless studies (e.g. Rehor, 2015; Greenberg, 2016; Rosenthal, 2016; Wright, 2018) provide this information in spades, clearly embodying binary, restrictive, and cis-gendered-man-centered data. Even with such data, this is not to discredit the lack of support around healthy sexuality with all male-identified persons that exist within the current status quo. Communities such as the LGBTQA+ and BIPOC communities fail to be properly represented in scientific research around sexuality and are painted in the media in negative and slanderous lights. This is the norm for alternative sexual groups in society even though the data is available to solidify their importance in the research arena for unpacking human experiencing. Information is provided below depicting the current state of affairs in regards to American sexual norms, policies, and expected behaviors. The psychological effects of the present paradigm will be critiqued and analyzed using transpersonal and somatic psychologies as well as a sociological lens. Once displayed, a new model or paradigm is proposed and a glimpse into a healthier future will be revealed.
Keywords: Paraphilia, Sexual Paradigm, Kink, Transpersonal, Somatic, Norms.
American Sexual Paradigm: A Psychological Glance into the Therapeutic and Societal Reformation of Pain and Pleasure
It is becoming common knowledge that little has changed about the sexual norms in the United States (U.S.) since its inception, some 243 years ago. Yet, other developed countries have begun to evolve rapidly in their integration of inclusive and less binary standards, as suggested by Sopelsa (2020), “Europe has long been viewed as a relatively progressive part of the world for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer rights” (para. 1). Such countries as Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and Finland (see for example, Kruger, 2017) are going as far as to remove certain paraphilic disorders from their diagnostic models, integrate greater gender-inclusive legislation, and support safer sex education. As defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed; DSM-5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013), “the term paraphilia denotes an intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling with phenotypically normal, physically mature, consenting human partners” (2013, para. 3). A more detailed unpacking of this will be detailed below. The U.S. has come to the end of its rope regarding puritanical, neo-Christian, and essentially colonialist attitude, and the masses are speaking out. This push from society is coming from several directions including younger generations who seek alternative methods of sex education. In the most recent years, this has promulgated through the vehicle of the Internet age, creating greater equity of information and connection. For example, the increasing popularity and profundity of social media is beginning to spark new demands for information on sexuality and is rapidly reshaping our society. Discourse communities broaden in this way, particularly the BIPOC and LGBTQA+ communities who implore for better representation, safer societal expression, and a desire to simply be in their full declaration of humanness (see, for example, Feder, 2020). Not only has the old protocol of sexual conduct become archaic, but also appears to be increasingly vicious. Sexual assault, sex-related crimes, and media perverted sexuality continue to plague society while maintaining the normalcy of hush-hush approaches (see, for example, Collins, 2017).
A shift in paradigms is called for to progress and evolve as a culture and a nation as a means of mental health concern. The dawning of the sexual evolution as a species is on the horizon, and science has much influence on this awakening. Every year, more and more research (see, for example, McKenna, 1992; Easton, 1997; Wright, 2006; Langdridge, 2007; Newsmahr, 2011; Ortmann & Sprott, 2013; Orenstein, 2016; Wright, 2018; Cascalheira, 2020) emerges to demonstrate the detriment of our current standing of norms, as well as to prove the psychological implications for mental wellness that comes from a balanced and healthy sexual life. As stated by Pariera (2018), “sexual communication is increasingly being recognized as a requisite of sexual health and well-being” (p. 2). Because of the lack of communication and education at large, stigmas plague communities and lead to biased and harmful situations. This could include someone from the bondage, dominance, sadomasoschism (BDSM) group, and other subgroups losing their home, the rights to custody of their children, their jobs, and sometimes even their lives due to misinformation. The same goes for black trans women and the lack of safety in their sexual representation in the media, which leads to dangerous and deadly encounters in real life situations (see, for example, Feder, 2020).
The promotion of sexual equality, reform, evolution, and expression as a way of increasing well being has the potential to massively aid American citizens on a national level. Not just well being, but also enjoyment of life, expansion of creativity, and safer and sexier norms around consent culture. The goal of this dissertation is the hopeful unpacking of the ways America needs to evolve and is in no way denying the ways that this culture HAS evolved. This pertains, as well, to wanting to create equity not just in highlighting oppressed communities, but also support for male-identified individuals. The current sexual paradigm manifests negatively even for male-identified Americans, despite extra pressures placed on the patriarchy and colonialist practitioners from oppressed communities (see, for example, Holmes, 1998). In no way does this paper seek to discredit the thousands of individuals who have marched, rioted, petitioned, and fought hard for the rights that are had in the US. It simply seeks to acknowledge the profundity of the many ways in which society is evolving and points to the lack of equal growth and evolution within basic human needs. This paper means to highlight the blind spot the sexual paradigm that is deeply detrimental to ALL American citizens and the mental wellness of the nation. All while simultaneously holding the important and miraculous nature that is the human ability to experience pleasure. I seek neither denounce, berate, accuse, nor prosecute any particular gender, race, sexuality, political standing, religious affiliation, or age in the exploration of such research provided below. This paper is not to be used as propaganda for hate or exclusion but for shedding light on a serious systemic problem that plagues the entire country, every single day. Throughout this paper, I explore the many errors that come from remaining with our current model of thinking and unpack the numerous possibilities hiding in plain sight.
Western Psychological History
Sexual health IS mental health, (see, for example, Kline, 2015), not purely on a somatic (“of, relating to, or affecting the body” (see, for example, Merriam-Webster, 2021)), level of energetic release, brain chemicals, and the like, but also within transpersonal (“of, or relating to,…esoteric mental experience” (see, for example, Merriam-Webster, 1906)), and psychological experience and processing. Curiously, sexuality has continued to be a vastly taboo topic in all regards nearly 300 years, after the birth of the nation. This is curious considering the United States (U.S.) was created based on the desired religious and expressive freedoms of its people. Sex continues to be a biological driver of all humanity as well as an ideal ploy in media propaganda and the business of seeking greater consumer engagement. Sex is a popular topic of in daily life, which can be see in a study that discovered American adults think about sex anywhere from 1-388 times a day (see, for example, Dosani, 2020). If it continues to be something that intrigues and inspires the vast majority of Americans, who also participate in this, the most fundamental activity known to man, then why is it still hidden in the shadows? Why is consensual sexual expression still present in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in the form of Transvestism, Sadomasochism, Sexual Sadism, or Fetishism? The DSM stated, “a paraphilia is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for having a paraphilic disorder, and a paraphilia by itself does not necessarily justify or require clinical intervention” (2013, p. 686). So if these are conditions that have to cause such extreme distress to the person to be diagnosed, does it not then become the therapist’s prerogative to decide if they feel the behavior is distressing to the individual? Much of these “disorders” discussed above have little to rare occurrences of distress, enough to advocate for their removal in the U.S. diagnostic model. What needs to happen for therapists in training to be well educated and informed on sexuality, sexual preferences, gender paradigms, and sexual exploration as a means of therapy? Will there need to be a complete dismantling of systemic racism before research prioritizes BIPOC (see, for example, Cruz, 2016; Rosenthal, 2016) and female-identified pleasure and safety as if they are of importance on a national and global level? Luckily, in 1997, a bit of help came in the form of The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), which provides and supports research as well as BDSM practitioners in America. The NCSF helps the BDSM community find legal representation in moments of discrimination as well as to advocate for their fair treatment in workplaces, conventions, and other places where there may be societal push back of private sexual choices. They also support alternative sexually expressive (consenting) adults, providing outlets for connection, strategies for public policy reform, and annual meetings in online formats. The hope is to continue to reduce the stigma around such sexual preferences and to raise awareness around the discriminatory legal structures. The NCSF is a great start in the right direction but much more advocacy around sexuality needs to come forward in an effort of redirecting assumptions, biases, and societal stigmas.
Openly admitting to participation in alternative sexual communities have been notably dangerous for practitioners on all levels such as interpersonally, vocationally, parentally, legally, and financially (Wright, 2006). Repercussions have become so extreme that individuals will withhold information about their true sexual desires even from a spouse, to avoid potential loss of freedom, rights, etc. Thus providing evidence toward the social stigma that exists within America’s sexual norms and understanding. This kind of societal stigma is hazardous in providing examples of discrimination to younger generations as well as adults, reinforcing the belief in the deviant nature of sexual exploration and freedom. As Wright (2006), described, “because individuals conceal their SM practices, there are few real-life representations of ordinary SM-identified individuals. Thus the stigma against SM is perpetuated by media stereotypes and religion-based moralistic opposition” (p. 3). Indicating the imperative of doing better by U.S. citizens in helping to create safe spaces and understanding communities.
Sexuality in the United States
American’s think about sex, a lot. Statistics show that 87% of people have had sexual fantasies in their life and 57% have them weekly (see, for example, Sex: Explained, 2020, Netflix). The separation from Great Britain in the 1700s was a nod to the more progressive thinkers seeking to create a land of expressive freedoms. This can still be seen in much of the U.S. in the statistical desires of Americans. When investigated, kink is less rare than what is normally spoken about in public or social settings. A great example of this comes from the Netflix series, Sex: Explained, where it was discussed that “almost every American adult has fantasized about group sex” (min. 0:02:16). The top fantasy categories among adults could also be classified as paraphilias, otherwise known as sexually related mentally distressing disorders, within the DSM. These include group sexual experiences, novelties, and power dynamics. Seemingly, if most American adults are fantasizing about explorative sexual encounters, it is curious that such behavior is seen as problematic within the diagnostic models that could lead to pathology. The history of kink can even be seen in American soldiers returning from World War II in the 1940s and nods toward the BDSM community. Leather is often associated with the BDSM community, whether in clothing or the use of props. This sexual indication of a community was created in America through a queer lens in the 1940s with biker culture (see, for example, Turner, 2019). It was not only protective for motorcyclists but it also a social indication to allude when men were interested in other men sexually (see, for example, Sex: Explained, 2020). This counter culture was a byproduct of World War II, when gay soldiers coming back from the war decided to join motorcycle gangs on the West Coast, these groups became notorious for their exploratory behavior. The use of leather in the BDSM community still nods to their counter culture label and helps to maintain a rebellious undertone. This counter culture phenomenon could be assumed to have helped with the PTSD soldiers were experiencing coming back from their time overseas and may have helped open the door to sexual somatic therapy modalities. Sexual exploration like that of the BDSM community has been utilized as a somatic therapy for processing and releasing trauma within the last decade. Currently gaining speed in its use and proven effectiveness. (see, for example, Thouin-Savard, 2019). Thouin-Savard (2019), pointed to the many different modalities when she explained they included, “sexual surrogacy, sexological bodywork, masturbation coaching, and orgasmic mediation” (para. 1). Even now, there are studies about the helpfulness of somatic experiencing through BDSM practices as a means of trauma therapy (see, for example; Weinberg, 1984; Greenberg, 2016) not just for short-term release but also in the aid of long-term results.
The power of shame plays a large part in the U.S.’s history of sexual norms. Shame about the naked body and sexual expression is taught from an early age in most American households with the exemption of proper genital names during bodily exploration and the lack of conversation around sexuality in early development. The media plays a role in the shaming of sexuality as well as social cues from early ages. This can be seen in the old playground song, “Sittin in a tree,” which pokes to shame the receiver of this musing to feel shameful about the idea of kissing or engaging in any sexual way with another. Brene Brown (2013), spoke of her research on the power of shame when she described it as, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection” (para. 2). Shame holds much psychological power, which has the potential to do the most damage to a young psyche in those foundational and formidable social relating years. Shame based learning about sexuality has the power to stunt much of the psychological human growth as discussed by Ortmann & Sprott (2015) when they explained, “toxic shame causes great suffering and damages one’s ability to actualize developmental potential, growth, and well-being” (p. 12). This sort of sexual shame continues through adolescence and adulthood with the concept of “slut-shaming” (see, for example; Gordon, 2020). Slut-shaming is the concept of demeaning, particularly women, but any person who has a regular sexual life (primarily engaging with multiple partners). To have such a culture as to shame citizens about having a sexual life or sexual desires continues to be a dangerous psychological manifestation of oppressive societal structures. As discussed in the next section, sex and sexual desire continue to be at the foundation of human behavior and future-oriented goal setting.
Sexual History
Sexuality has been a progressively evolving function, as anything to do with human processing, relating, and experiencing has been throughout time. Many indigenous communities, pre-colonization, experienced higher freedoms in relating as well as deeper connections to their natural environment. This was seen with particular association to their sexual behaviors and social relating. Colonizers, by nature, are that of dominator societies with predominantly patriarchal ideals and hierarchies and inherently established a discomfort in the sexual behaviors of indigenous communities. As explained beautifully by McKenna, (1992) when he stated,
The generally hostile attitude of dominator society toward sexual expression can be traced to the terror that the dominator ego feels in any situation in which boundaries dissolved, even the most pleasurable and natural of situations. The French notion of orgasm as petit mort perfectly encapsulates the fear and fascination that boundary-dissolving orgasm holds for dominator cultures (p. 68).
As described, dominator societies fear a lack of control, even for pure pleasure and enjoyment, making it nearly impossible for sexual freedom to remain a staple societal need and norm during cultural take-overs. Even now, as McKenna described, the French expression of orgasm as “the little death,” points toward this fear of loss of control from puritanical and neo-Christian settlers and the grip these ideologies still hold on the norms of today. This rigid dogma includes the sweep of religion and secular integration. Many religions are responsible, particularly Christianity, for the oppressive sexual constraints that continue to embody patriarchal ideologies. As McKenna, (1992) described, “through Christianity’s ruthless extermination of all heterodoxy, orgies were recognized and suppressed as the subversive, boundary-dissolving activities that they are” (p. 67). These beliefs in the evil of sexuality and their ability to disintegrate strict regulations maintained but the human desire to express and explore continued to thrive behind closed doors.
The ideas behind BDSM came to fruition through the novels by a French nobleman, Marquis de Sade (sadism) (see, for example, ‘sadism,’ Brittanica) and Austrian nobleman, Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch (masochism) (see, for example, ‘masochism,’ Brittanica). Though they were over 100 years apart in their time, both had an enormous influence on what many people practice today, bringing forth desired power dynamic fantasies within the human psyche and the natural inclination to rebel. Both of them were popular novelists of their time and were the beginning of what would come to be known as the erotic novel. The presence of BDSM within literary works is still popular to this day in pointing out the kink and experiential desires of society. This can be seen in the bestselling trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey, which was turned into a highly popular movie series. According to Penguin Press (2017), “random house was printing one million copies of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy every week. Now with more than 150 million sold copies, Fifty Shades of Grey is the bestselling book in the history of Random House” (para. 22). A large number of American’s are interested in the experiential nature of what could be constituted as BDSM behavior and intrigues, so why should these characterizations continue to be included in the U.S. diagnostic model?
The removal of certain paraphilias has been contested for many years and in some countries has even made headway in their removal. Seen in research as Krueger (2017),explained “Denmark removed category Sadomasochism in 1995. In 2009, Sweden removed the categories Fetishism, Fetishistic Transvestism, Sadomasochism, and Multiple Disorders of Sexual Preference, and these same categories were removed by Norway in 2010 and by Finland in 2011” (p. 1534). These countries are at the forefront of embodying a shift in sexual consciousness worldwide and the awareness of the benefits of research, which outweigh the statistics of behavioral and distressing diagnosis. Greenberg (2016) pointed to the existence of a greater desire for sexual exploration within modern society when they described,
The lack of areas of spirituality that were formerly satisfied by religious rituals left a void in western consumer societies. The filling of this void might be one of the broader social meanings that the increased motivation to engage in the ‘bodily practice’ of consensual ‘SM’ in contemporary consumer culture signals (et al., p.183, p. 231).
This sort of sexual behavior is merely a byproduct of a society lacking in spiritual depth and closeness as well as a loss of community connection and nearness of physical proximity in general. Humankind seeks out closeness, altered states, and affirmations of existence as embodied within the spectrum of pleasure and pain. This idea will only continue to increase as the time of COVID-19 surges, inhibiting citizens from connecting physically and within any sort of proximity. BDSM communities could rise in the time of quarantine in underground settings as a means of any kind of physical bonding and community building. Psychologically, it is imperative that humans connect skin to skin and biologically can slow heart rate and decrease stress hormones, all while increasing oxytocin (the love hormone) (see, for example, Cassata, 2018). It could be speculated then that the U.S. may see an increase in sexual exploration post COVID, aiding to propel our sexual evolution toward.
Scientific and Educational Implications
According to a short documentary from CBS News (2019), noted “there is no federal law that mandates or regulates sex education in the U.S.” (min. 0:03:46). Along with this staggering finding, there continues to be much debate over who’s the responsibility it is to provide young people with sexual education. Some feel it is the responsibility of the parents and home life to begin the conversation of such topics, while others strongly believe it is the responsibility of educators throughout a child’s life to provide such information in evolving degrees. Based on a study done on school-based sexuality education, Olufadewa (2021), noted that, “sexuality education has been recognized as a basic human right” (p. 8). Out of the 50 states in the U.S., only 13 of those states require sexual education to any sort of a “full extent,” while 24 states only require abstinence education. (see, for example, Department of Nursing, 2014). Currently, in American schools, sex education continues to be the monodrama of STI prevention, pregnancy prevention, and elementary anatomy, with little to no information regarding real sexual education. This leaves students feeling confused, with little to no knowledge of the topics besides abstinence, and fails young minds that need it the most in their time of fluctuating hormones.
This also becomes problematic if schools are not required to teach any specific form of sexual education then they are most likely not accommodating students with disabilities. For sex education to work effectively, the information needs to expand and evolve with the age group schools are educating. Proposing that while students grow through school, their sexual education needs to grow with them. If this proves to be the case, high school age students should be receiving a much more advanced form of sexual education. This points to the idea that society expects much from high school age students in regards to their level of adult behavior, and as such, should expect their level of sexual conduct to follow suit. Miller (2002) (as found in, Boehning, 2006) noted a statistic of American students as, “more than two-thirds of the sexually transmitted disease (STDs) cases in America have been found in adolescent and young adults” (p. 60). It seems only plausible the importance of reducing the stigma of sexual conversation with young people as a means of public health. If society teaches young adults and young students to be scared, appalled, disgusted, by sex in their formidable and developmentally foundational years, how can society expect them to be functioning, respectful, and sexually informed adults? If religious ideals are the reason behind a lack of sexual education in U.S. schools, does this not a breach of Church and State? It is one thing for private institutions to establish their stance on sexual education but public schools should not be influenced by religious indoctrination. This brings up another issue in the lack of adequate sexual education, which is that when there is a lack of information in scholastic settings, due to the far-reaching and accessible nature of the Internet; students are more likely to look to porn to gain their information. Porn is a means to an end in providing visual aids for genitals, bodies engaged in sexual acts, and fulfilling states of curiosity within young minds and imaginations new to the world (see, for example, Albury, 2014). If society is concerned about the level at which young people access pornography, then there should probably be better education to redirect their young hormonal minds and bodies.
The issue of stigmatized sex is not just one in the educational system, but also within the scientific community. As perfectly questioned by Ortmann & Sprott (2013), “how could something so fundamental to human nature, culture, social relationships, health, and well-being be so poorly served by science” (p. 4)? Amongst the scientific community, research done on sex and sexual psychology is done predominantly through self-funded projects due to the lack of support from other organizations responsible for much of the scientific research to date. Many organizations Topics of sex continue to garner much taboo within the scientific world and are seen as less than serious in their prevalence. What is interesting is that most of the information to come out of these studies ends up being timely, insightful, and exciting, bursting with new leads towards the understanding of human psychology. This was first seen in the 1930s when Alfred Kinsey conducted groundbreaking studies on human sexual behavior and although his research was substantial in bringing forth the “sexual revolution,” Kinsey was met with a high level of scrutiny (see, for example, Brown & Fee, 2003). Nearly 90 years later, the scientific community in terms of financial support, still fears sexual research and being too “edgy.” Seemingly leading sexual researchers to find their means of financing and conducting their studies. There’s hope for the future that if society can find a way to evolve in social structure and norms, and if the people of the U.S. band together and ask for such reform, that science will benefit greatly from sexual science on a broader and more culturally impactful way.
Therapeutic Inquiry
The transpersonal nature within sexual experiences is becoming increasingly unavoidable in their therapeutic potency. Everything from kink play (activities described as sexually unusual (see, for example, Aswell, 2019), and the altered states of consciousness experienced leading to longevity in mental wellness and quality of life. The somatic impact is transcendent as well, leading to the release of trauma from the cells, personal empowerment in the embodiment, and full expressions of feel-good brain chemistry. Embodiment itself is a new term and concept to psychology, gaining first steam in the 1990s and now skyrocketing to importance within the field of therapeutic and somatic modalities (see, for example, Meier, 2012). Sex therapy practitioners are beginning to incorporate more somatic practices in working with their clients and their trauma, in particular. Therapists use a slew of techniques to coach and guide their clients, usually in partnership, through varying exercises that engage deeper levels of trauma, enabling the trauma to release (see, for example, Madsen, 2012). As discussed by Mckenna (1992), “the global triumph of Western values means we, as a species, have wandered into a state of prolonged neurosis because of the absence of a connection to the unconscious” (p. 63). Exploratory sexuality holds many keys to the doors of the unconscious mind and stored experiences. Deep-rooted reprogramming can be realized through the door of orgasm and full somatic release. Isn’t sex research, now more than ever, within the natural flow of scientific study? Many sexual practitioners of more intensive alternative groups find long-lasting relief from psychological stressors (see, for example; Baker, 2016; Greenberg, 2016). The actual somatic release during orgasm enables stressors to be sequenced completely through and out of the body. Teaching people the tools they need to self-regulate and heal is a paramount aspect of therapy. So why not teach people how to communicate with their bodies and partners, pleasure themselves properly, learn healthy boundaries, and encourage a deeper understanding of themselves?
There is a direct need within the therapeutic community to become radically more sexually informed. This is true both within the client/therapist model of healing but also within the scientific research community. It is challenging to think that the field of psychology is making great headway when timeless and natural human experiences are left out of the data picture. Transpersonal experiences are had within the sexual community and even embody aspects of a person’s inherent needs for survival and community integration. As displayed by Baker (2016),
What comes to light is that within the negotiated parameters of the BDSM scene several levels of what Maslow called the Hierarchy of Needs are met automatically, even if only for a brief time and in an artificial way. For the bottom in a scene, it is of paramount importance that the top (or monitor) can be trusted completely with basic physiological and safety concerns (p. 451).
A study done in 2016, interviewed practitioners of BDSM (see, for example, Greenberg) in the hope of discovering and uncovering their transpersonal experiences while undergoing different kinds of “scenes.” The research was rich with details of powerful psychedelic experiences, out-of-body moments, mirror neuron connections, and perceivable longevity of transformation. Baker (2016), noted all of the participants expressed, “profound impact upon her, his, or zir within the context of a normal, healthy, and productive life” (p. 451). This exemplifies the degree in which these experiences can be integrated to aid the practitioner/client/patient in helping to come to a more well-rounded and grounded mental space within their life. Krueger (2017) explained the study when they stated, “they further suggested that distress or shame that individuals experience related to their sexual preference might grow out of societal disapproval rather than representing an integral aspect of the sexual preference itself “(p. 1534). Meaning the therapeutic community has a responsibility to their clients to expand toward a more all-encompassing approach and open fixed perspectives to be of greater service to their clients. As the research noted by Ortmann & Sprott (2015),
In the Kink/BDSM communities, there is a great dearth of culturally competent counselors and therapists. By our estimation, there are approximately five hundred kink-friendly or kink-identified clinicians in the United States and Canada, and there are approximately five million people who are kink-identified or even just kinky on a semi-regular basis. That would be about one well-trained therapist for every ten thousand kinky people, a staggering ratio that leaves many of our sexual outsiders still very much outside (p. 121).
A potential exists that these experiences could be utilized in wildly progressive methodologies to aid with the healing of a variety of different mental and even physical distresses. There is an interesting discussion about the “bottom” and “top” spaces within Sadomasochism and Sadism that point to many different levels of human emotion, behavior, and cognition as described from Baker’s (2011) study below,
Easton and Hardy described top space as containing elements of empathy, creativity, bigness, nurturing, control, bullying, competence, and self-knowledge. They described top space as a ‘contact high,’ the turn-on we feel in empathy with the bottom’s response to the physical, emotional, and sexual intensity of the scene. One top describes this feeling as getting to surf the bottom’s sensations (p.11).
The somatic, psychological, transpersonal findings in the research continue to point to the importance of understanding these groups and their activities more extensively. If data, noted above, is what is coming out of these self-funded studies, it is easy to imagine the profundity of what science could learn from greater exploration. This is not to say that all citizens should be required to participate, but that the findings from a scientific and psychological perspective are too important and interesting to continue to be placed in the shadows.
Alternative Sexuality
The idea of “normal” sexual conduct has been around for as long as social constructs, so it bears little surprise that alternative sexual communities would be in the crossfires of societal pressures to conform. The communities described below are far from all that inhabit the alternative sphere and all are just as important as the ones used in this thesis. The descriptions below and the research found, have been included in the hope of engaging a shift in perspective and to broaden the view of what kind of scientific research and societal relating are being excluded from everyday awareness by the masses.
BIPOC Communities
BIPOC stands for Black or Indigenous People of Color (see, for example, thebipocproject.org). These communities of United States citizens have been plagued tormented by the societal norms of this country, for the entirety of U.S. history. Not only was this country built off of slavery and oppression, BIPOC citizens still suffer vastly from this violent hierarchical approach. Black women, for instance, have been painted in scientific research (see, for example, Hargons, 2020) as perpetual victims of violent crime. These women are cis-gendered within scientific research, but within media, specifically transgendered black women. As Hargons (2020) pointed out, “many studies informed by public health and medical model perspectives, approach study of Black women’s sexualities from a risk-based stance” (Hargons et al., p. 1; Buzia, 2018; Raiford, Seth, and Diclemente, 2013; Wade et al., 2014). This information is not only true in the wide range of experience of American black women but also boxes them into a victim role, which negates their pleasure and sexual identities completely. A society through endless examples perpetuates social perspectives and this leaves black women in a very dangerous and continually oppressed status. As reflected by Hargons (2020), “history continues to shape conversations and the examination of Black women’s sexualities through controlling racialised [sic] gendered stereotypes and messaging rooted in chattel slavery in the USA” (et al., p. 2; Lewis 2005; Lewis et al., 2016; Stephens and Phillips 2003; West, 1995). Based on a study about black women’s presence in sexuality research, Hargons (2020) stated, “only 6.5% of articles utilized a sex-positive discourse,” (p. 1) within all scientific literature. Thus proving a need for intimate justice, a philosophy comprised of societal and political influence on the lack of positive information and data on individuals’ healthy desire for intimate safe expression in the hopes of providing “corrective racial justice,” (Hargons, 2020, p. 3).
LGBTQA+
This community has been experiencing a slow renaissance for the last 50 years but is nowhere near the sort of legislative and societal human rights that their cis-gendered heterosexual counterparts have. The sexual paradigm of America has succeeded somewhat in the legislative reform for gay rights but has an incredibly large uphill battle ahead of them to get to a place where equality is a way of life. Even within the loosening grip of bureaucracy, elements of patriarchal ideology and stigma can be seen in the Lesbian community. In the early feminist movement of the 1970s, there were, as Wright (2006), described, “so-called ‘sex wars,’ a decades-long conflict carried out in both the media and legislatures to determine feminism’s position on sex” (p. 3). There was much debate on whether or not lesbians who practiced BDSM were perpetuating the violence of patriarchal and binary ideas. Many women felt that this subcultural group was negating the point of the movement and some even became violent against such practitioners. By the 1980s NOW (National Organization for Women) came to an agreement called, The 1980 Delineation of Lesbian Rights, declaring the rejection of sadomasochism and all who participated as enemies of the movement (see, for example, Wright, 2006). The organization felt that binary societal influences led such people to participate in such acts they deemed violent, which was not in alignment with their ideals for systemic reform. As described by Wright (2006),
It is ironic that some lesbians found it acceptable to act violently against an SM-identified woman because she was, by their definition, guilty of violence. This use of violence, ostensibly to end violence, was not questioned within the greater feminist community during the decades prior to the late 1990’s (p. 6).
Many SM-identified individuals express the therapeutic emotional release that occurs during their sexual “scenes,” as a tool to practice radical consent, exploration, and long-lasting healing. Houlberg (1993), noted this clarification as discussed in Wright’s (2006), article, “SM, on the other hand, is desired, consensual behavior. The participants freely consent to a power exchange, and can withdraw that consent and stop the interaction at any time” (p. 7). Mutual satisfaction is the predominant goal within a BDSM exchange and consent, safety, and lengthy communication as a planned experience is at the foundation of this community. Perhaps this community is far more informed, well educated, and responsible than any other sexual community. Though there are progressive legislative shifts for the LGBTQA+ community, there also continues to be many setbacks in the fight for equality and the right to love whomever.
Female Identifying
A wave of feminine empowerment is sweeping social platforms but is not exclusive in these areas as more scientific research becomes public on female-identified sexuality, especially female pleasure. Up until this recent shift, feminine sexuality has been more myth than fact, leading to confusion amongst those identifying and has become the stuff of mystery in intimate social dynamics. Social norms and structures in the current paradigm have largely failed “goddess” culture since matriarchal societies were damned and vilified as evil in the rise of colonization of indigenous societies. Matriarchal societies followed along with a partnership model, the antithesis of dominator culture, hence providing greater equality and more fluid sexual exploration. Terence McKenna (1992), explored this concept when he stated, “an open and nonproprietary approach to sexuality is fundamental to the partnership model” (p. 65).
Much of the information and education that exists in America is highly gendered and male-dominated and as such creates misinformed youth on what to expect in sexual encounters as well as misleading women into thinking sexual encounters are all about their partner and their pleasure. There is little talk of reciprocity, female pleasure, consent, or any education on responsible communication around sex. Women grow up being told to avoid sexual encounters, then once they are the age society expects them to be sexually astute, they are presumed to feel empowered and embody communicative skills in partnership. As brilliantly observed by Orenstein (2016),
If a girl goes into an encounter, hoping it wont hurt and wanting to feel close to her partner, and expecting him to have an orgasm, she’ll be satisfied if those criteria are met. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be close to your partner, wanting him to be happy and orgasm isn’t the only measure of an experience. But absence of pain, that’s a very low bar for your own sexual fulfillment (min. 00:09:03).
This hazardous upbringing puts unrealistic pressures on young women to perform as good lovers but never explains to them that their pleasure matters. Shame is ingrained ever deeper in adolescence through the power stigmas female sexuality carries. This plays a vital part in the lack of proper sexual education for women in the U.S., a point Orenstein (2016) explained beautifully when she stated,
There’s no better way to make something unspeakable than not to name it. Then kids go into their puberty education classes and they learn that boys have erections and ejaculations, and girls have periods and unwanted pregnancy…{} We never say vulva, we certainly never say clitoris, no surprise, fewer than half of teenage girls age 14-17 have ever masturbated (min. 00:10:00).
Young girls are in desperate need of greater education when it comes to their bodies, their capacity for pleasure, and guidance around healthy boundaries needed to fulfill healthy and satisfying lives. A study was conducted that compared the sexual experience, both positive and negative, between women from a Dutch university and women from a comparable American university. It was discovered that the Dutch students had received guidance not only from their parents but also from their teachers and other mentors in their lives. As a result, they had little to no negative sexual experience, very low pregnancy rates, and very few cases of STDs. The opposite was true of American girls and this goes to show the level at which this country can step up in service of young leaders and citizens of the future (see, for example, Orenstein, 2016).
The view of sexuality and sexual pleasure, particularly about women’s pleasure and mental health, dates back to Hippocrates who coined the term, hysteria (see, for example, Tasca, 2012). The term hysterical comes from the Latin word hystericus “of the womb,” from Greek hysterikos “of the womb, suffering in the womb” (see, for example, Merriam-Webster). This was the first mental disorder considered a female disorder and was cured through sexual release, sexual abstinence, or genital mutilations (see, for example, Tasca, 2012). When thinking about hysteria, what comes to mind societally is a completely out-of-control individual who is beyond consoling. This seems fitting since the scientific and societal lens of female pleasure is that it is both not important, and ridiculous.
Male Identifying
Much of the scientific research that has been conducted throughout time has focused primarily on the sexuality and preferences of male-identified individuals, with greater emphasis on those with light-colored skin. But despite the clear patriarchal and racist implications of this information, still little has been done to create safe sexual spaces within communication, self-exploration, and safety in expression when it comes to male-identified sexuality. Not only is sex taboo for all oppressed communities, but there are major elements of male oppression within the sexual paradigm as well. The term “toxic masculinity” (see, for example, Jaffe, 2020), is a newer term to describe the type of “male” sexual characteristics and preferences that are considered socially acceptable and highly encouraged. However, this aspect of the male societal experiencing is proving to be just as its name describes: toxic. Not only for cis-gendered men, but also for those who identify as male or who are transitioning/transitioned.
The reality is that even though society sees the male population as being solely responsible for the sexual downfall of the entire species, they still experience the negative results of the current social sexual model. A statistical report from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) came out and explained this reality and stated, “1 in 71 men reported having been raped in their lifetime (2021, p. 1). If society fears the sexuality of young “men,” there fails to be proper information provided to them on how to be responsible, communicative, and to respect their own needs as well as the needs of their future partners. How can society expect men to behave in sexually honorable ways if there is never an education or guidance to show them the way? If the “birds and the bees” is too taboo of a conversation for these young people, than how can society expect them to behave in ways that are honoring? And if the conversation itself is so taboo on a positive scale, then how can the U.S. expect men to speak about being victims of sexual assault themselves?
Sexual and Psychological Reformation
Through the system of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see, for example, Goddard, 2020), on a psychological level, sex is a fundamental human experience, on the same level as sustenance and breathing. It is not simply want or a desire among the population but is a biological need to maintain the idea of a future. Considering the ability and power of the human brain and body with neurotransmitters, hormones, powerful nervous system, and advanced cognition, to look at sex as a purely procreative act is a disservice to the most complex species on the planet. In therapeutic settings, there are very few trained professionals who were educated on sexuality, this inhibits their ability to further separate their countertransference and judgments from the desires and expressions of their clients. This lack of informative care has led many to become “therapy refugees” (as seen in Sexual Outsiders). Ortmann (2015), spoke to the level at which clients are strained entering into new one-on-one settings when he explained, “traumatized and suspicious, they are in flight from a paradigm and mindset that views them as somehow sick or maladapted because of their sexual desires, actions, or fantasies” (p. 6). In many graduate and doctoral psychology programs, only one class of sexual understanding is required towards licensure in the field of psychology. It has been reflected (as discussed in Sexual Outsiders) that students are uncomfortable and disturbed upon entering these types of classes, already embodying much of the danger and societal biases, which lead to less supportive and problematic therapeutic settings. Luckily, most students were noted as finding greater comfort towards the end of the class, showing promising results with great exposure to sex-related conversation. If students are only taught about sexuality from the lens of the DSM-5 and paraphilias, then all exploratory sexual desires are seen as mental distresses and pathology is often the road taken without further understanding of the client’s experiences and needs for personal evolution and self-expression. As Ortmann & Sprott (2015), pointed out in their book, Sexual Outsiders, “the fact that categories like Sexual Sadism, Sexual Masochism, and Fetishism exist in the DSM or International Classification of Diseases (ICD) doesn’t mean the science behind these diagnoses is clear or present” (p. 8). Thus highlighting the lack of scientific-based research and evidence to point to the detriment of practitioners of alternative sexual preferences. If such behavior is seen as diagnosable mental distress because of the dangerous nature, then wouldn’t other risky behaviors such as hiking, mountain biking, sailing, and skydiving also fall within a diagnosable category? Communities like that of the BDSM variety, experience fewer risk and death-related incidences even than that of deadly firework accidents each year (Ortmann & Sprott, 2015, p.75). Even if therapists are trained in transference and countertransference, without proper education and information about different sexual preferences to their own, difficulty in separating personal morality for pathology becomes problematic. As expressed by Ortmann & Sprott (2015), “This would mean that, given the confusion, therapists end up relying on their own personal morality rather than a body of scientific evidence” (p. 8).
The possibilities within the therapeutic model to promote greater healing and self-actualization are great within talk therapy as well as more somatic practices and techniques. Much of the brain-body connection can be fostered through the unpacking of sexuality and sexual self-relating, especially with positive brain chemicals. Sexual acts release “feel good” chemicals like oxytocin, serotonin (similar to the effects of exercise), and endorphins (Gault, 2021). There are quite a few sexually debilitating mental conditions that can be helped to increase enjoyment and partner connection with the aid of the therapeutic relationship in regular talk sessions. For example, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) shows lower levels of serotonin, which could benefit from regular sexual encounters without the use of medication; similar to the positive hormonal changes that occur from regular physical exercise. Anxiety is a psychological occurrence common amongst sexually active American adults (see, for example, Corretti &Baldi, 2007). Productive and healing practices can be taught within the therapeutic setting, such as the practice of “sensate focus” (see, for example, Gault, 2021). This is described as the consenting practice of physical touch without a particular purpose or outcome and practice of a variety of behavioral exercises (see, for example, Boskey, 2020). This practice helps the client to get back into touch with sensation and sexual feelings within the body. Healthy communication with well-informed therapists could lead to helpful discussions about solo sexual activities and self-pleasure. This behavior can be used to learn more about the body again, gain greater self-confidence; a better understanding of personal needs and wants, and through the therapeutic lens, gain the communication skills and tools necessary to engage in positive consenting sexual acts. Sexual communication between client and therapist would also help the practitioner create a more efficient and effective treatment plan, particularly in tandem with medications, which can have negative side effects with sexual function. If a client is being treated for depression or Bipolar disorder, informing the therapist about the client’s sexual lifestyle could change the particular use of medications to better suit their needs, providing medications with fewer sexually negative side effects. In terms of Bipolar Disorder, the mapping of daily mood in tandem with sexual drive has great potential to provide the greatest level of support through mental health services. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) could also be heavily aided through the integration of “aftercare,” a practice initially utilized within the BDSM community (Gault, 2021). Gault explained this when suggested, “it’s time a couple devotes to cuddling, talking, and caring for each other after sex, ensuring both partners feel as ease—especially after an intense consensual sexual experience (like kink play)”(para. 28). These are just some of the ways client-therapist connections can be strengthened and integrated in hopes of better treatment plans, more authentic relating, and greater levels of honesty in therapeutic communications.
A New Paradigm
It is clear that America, as one of the leading developed and industrialized “progressive” countries, is far overdue for a shift in sexual paradigm. A new societal perspective and norm reformation will look like actual sex education where more than pregnancy, STI prevention, and anatomy are discussed. It will include the entire spectrum of genders, sexual experimentation, consent, anti-rape culture, the normalcy of sexual conversation, trust education, non-violent communication studies, and peer discussion groups. From a strictly transpersonal and energetic standpoint, the endocrine system which mirrors the eastern philosophy of the “chakra” system (see, for example, Aktekin, 2011) points to the importance of unblocked programming and cellular trauma healing in the lower regions of the body, otherwise known as the “dantian” (see, for example, Quinn, 2020). The study in schools about the energetics of the body as well as somatic practices in cellular healing and the importance of sexual health and vitality has the potential to vastly shift creativity levels and problem-solving skills in the educational system. This will also look like communities coming together to teach their next generations, spaces for greater accessibility to resources, sciences, and medical advice. The radical application of education around masturbation as a form of self-love is the positive cultural body image shift that the US needs to be teaching young people.
Imagine a world where all U.S. citizens felt safe in their sexual expression and knew to expect mutual consent and vast communication about sexual encounters. What would the U.S. look like in the eyes of the youth entering the hormonally tumultuous and confusing landscape of puberty? Would they feel supported and honored in their vessels to adequately respect themselves as well as others? How transformative would it be if adults and kids alike continued to receive or have access to extended sexual education throughout life and in varying stages? It would be possible to then have proper, well-educated, and meaningful discussions about sex and sexual life with their families, communities, partners, and friends. It is time to turn America’s rape culture into a culture of radical consent.
Conclusion
Yes, sex is a predominantly private act that beings engage in together, but think of all of the potential information that resides just beyond closed doors. What would the world learn about similarities in pleasure, pain, processing, feeling, and release if these doors were to be opened? This is not to insinuate that sex should cease a private nature, but perhaps with higher levels of vulnerability in communicating, sharing, and authentic relating, there could be a far greater understanding of human nature. Thus leading to higher levels of connectedness, a reduced sense of loneliness or separation, and increased solidarity amongst all human beings (see, for example, Greenberg, 2016). This transformation of America’s paradigm has the potential to create safer sexual encounters for all, a more understanding and less fragile society, an explosion in creativity and expression, and an exceptional example of equality in the developed world. If sex, pleasure, and desire were more fully integrated as facts of human nature, and those facts were utilized in daily lives through effective communication, education, and the lens of mental wellness, society could reap the benefits and have a more, well-rounded understanding of humanity itself. To deny the sexual nature of humans is to disregard the power and beauty of fundamental behaviors, thus denying the proficient use of each individual’s greatness and ability to fully express. The transpersonal and somatic nature of such ancient and fundamental drivers and desires indicate something more going on in sexual acts and behaviors that science is not yet able to fully understand, yet these practices maintain their classification among the oldest acts on the planet. With any fear comes a basic characteristic of the unknown, thus perpetuating the existing fear and preventing the courage needed to learn and become informed. The only way humanity has ever moved forward was through acts of great bravery as individuals dove into the unknown with no promise of enlightenment. But the world and all things known in it, each creation of any kind, have come from this place, and such globally valuable knowledge exists within the scientific and systemic evolution and reformation of sex and sexuality. It is preposterous to think human evolution and understanding will transmute from a place of comfort. As is often attributed to Einstein is the idea that we wont be able to solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Perhaps such research would have the potential to create a societal priority of pleasure and desire instead of being mere byproducts of consumption and vocational gusto. Is it not worth exploration if the potential could lead towards far greater advancements in society than have ever coalesced? And if evolutionarily, sex and sexual drive have only continued to grow within us as a species, does it not seems plausible that this research is of absolute necessity? Perhaps the answers to the most perplexing questions of the human condition and existent experiencing reside in the places where life begins. This paper simply begs the acknowledgment and potential opportunity in science, education, and society, to study and investigate such findings and insights for the betterment of all humankind.
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